Time

Time. Time is probably the most valuable thing on this planet. Probably because no one has figured out how to control it. And we don’t have much of it.

Think about it in the grande scheme of things, we really don’t have a lot of time. I was watching a movie a few weeks ago and he did some crazy math that explained that a human’s life is really only 5 seconds long, when compared to a universe that has been around for billions of years. 🌌🌠🎆

People say things like, “Time is of the essence,” “Time flies when you’re having fun,” “Timing is everything,” and “You have the same amount of hours in your day as Beyoncé”- Oh hey girl heyyyy! (Side note, I’m not a huge Beyoncé fan. But I do like her music and anything that inspires other women to be strong. So if she does it for you, then let the “fierce” be with you 🦁💪🏻😆 See what I did there? 🤓) Anyways, I bring this all up because I have been non-stop lately, and super stressed, because there is just not enough hours in the day for what my mind has on the itinerary. My body however, feels otherwise.

I started two new jobs last week (which is great), but also within the same week that I was booked for a hair modeling show. (Also great!) But starting all of those at the same time when you are still a commuter and have to add that travel time on top of it all?? Yeah, that’s what I thought… not so great anymore. But I took a deep breath and told myself that I could handle this… as I prepped my lesson plan for my new Film School students. Then the next day I said, “You got this girl” as I sat at my desk in Jersey City and scheduled my first Social Media Coordinating appointment. Then last Thursday, when my alarm started screaming at 4:00 a.m., 4:05 a.m., 4:10 a.m. and again at 4:15 a.m. 🚨 (Okay, I was a little nervous that I wasn’t going to wake up. Don’t judge me), I said to myself, “But first coffee…”

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I also managed to squeeze in not one, but two birthday celebrations for my bestie. Because one, I adore her, and two, I’ve never been to a hockey game and I wanted to pop my cherry 🍒… aaaaand also conquer a small fear I had. I once watched a show where they were in the stands of a hockey game and the puck came whizzing out and hit the person square in the nose. Or maybe it was the mouth? 🤔 I don’t remember, but regardless I felt that actor’s pain!! I legit could not get that scene out of my head for weeks. I mean, think about it! Think about how heavy that puck is. And how fast that thing would be coming at you! How could anyone survive that?! Well don’t worry, I didn’t get hit with a hockey puck, guys 🙃 But I did see one go flying into the second row! Thank God I wasn’t in that row or I would’ve freaked.

Here’s a Snapchat clip (👻: carolineheinle) of my experience from that night:

 

Anyways, this week’s load wasn’t AS extensive… No, I’m lying. Because on top of the teaching and social media coordinating, I’m also working on some material of my own and decided to add that to the equation 😬 I don’t want to give anything away, but I’ve been doing a good job about moving my Acting career forward. Some of it is marketing and administrative stuff, some of it is creative stuff, but I’m slowly starting to see my career moving forward and I have a really good feeling that great things are just around the corner 🤗 But the best part is, is that I’m enjoying all of it.

But here’s where my frustration comes in… I’ve finally gotten myself to a place where I’m honestly and truly enjoying the process and then??! I get another f*#!in sinus infection! Like seriously?? Really? Really, God?! Grrr!! 😡 I had one after I graduated Real Estate School.

(Oh yeah, before I started these new jobs, I was in Real Estate School. And it was hard. Like, really hard. Try going back to school and learning something you know nothing about. Most of the people in my class were either doing something in a related field or already flipping houses or doing something similar “under the books”… And were homeowners. And then there was me. Whatever, I still passed but it was super stressful and I ate a lot of f*%#in chocolate 🍫🍫🍫. Which I then stressed about after.)  *Disclaimer: I’m not saying chocolate is what put the few extra pounds on me. Dark chocolate is healthy and a great source of magnesium and antioxidants when eaten in moderation. There were several other factors that I won’t bore you with, but I just wanted to be clear about that 😉

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Sigh, why do we do that to ourselves, by the way? I mean, I don’t feel guilty about eating badly all the time, but when I’m in a vulnerable place and not feeling very good or the best about myself, I go there. I get really hard on myself! I said to my Mom a couple weeks after I graduated, “Ugh, school made me gain weight! And I’m trying so hard, but I just can’t seem to drop these couple extra pounds.” First she said she didn’t know what I was talking about and then she said, “Well, maybe your body needs that extra weight right now. You are doing a lot.”

Huh??? My first reaction was, “No Ma.” 🙄 But inwardly it was, “Yes, you’re right Ma.” And, “Hmmm so interesting”. 🤔🤔🤔 Welp, fast forward to me finally shedding those extra pounds I picked up and sick in bed with a sinus infection. Go figure!! #MamaKnowsBest

***Now listen, I’m not telling you this to complain about my weight. I know I’m thin and fit and I’ve even gotten to a self-loving place and am happy with my body- flaws and all! 🤗💃🏼❤️ I’m telling you this, because we all do it. We all can be really hard on ourselves and it usually comes during a time when we need to be kindest to ourselves. I’m working on stopping that. ✋🏻 #WorkInProgress

The other thing I’m working on… time management. My Dad’s employees all have a running joke where they mock him saying, “I don’t have time for that.” My Mom always says I’m like my Father, and I know I get really stressed about time. I’m currently stressing about getting something to my manager before the year ends, but one, I’m having a bit of writer’s block and two, I needed help! So I hired someone for one of the things and I’m so happy I did 😌

Sometimes it’s okay to ask for help. I’m excited to move out of my parent’s home and happy to have a goal in mind, but at the same time, I don’t know what I’m going to do without my Mom. She asked if she could help me with anything this week… she even offered to take over my Dating Ap accounts and schedule dates for me 😳 (Yeah… I started dating again. That’s a whole other can of worms which I’ll save for another post.) Anyways, I actually stopped and considered it 🤔 And then we laughed about how she’d be calling me up, “Okay, so you have a date with ‘Jeff’ at 6:00pm. Don’t be late, he’s cute!” And then I’d later yell at her because he wasn’t cute at all. (We have different taste 😝)

In terms of the back stuff… I’m a little frustrated right now. I notice that when I’m stressed my muscles are the stiffest. And when I’m doing a lot of computer work. I also notice that when I’m stressed, I clench my jaw in my sleep, which then causes neck, shoulder and trap stiffness, soreness and even some tingling, to get a bit out of hand. I’ve taken a little break from the back strengthening exercises to releave the stiffness because it’s been so bad. But I am making notes of all of these things and the first step is always awareness, so progress there.

I’ve had a lot of talks with my physical therapist about my condition and he says that yes, some of this stuff is related to my surgery, but some of my muscle tension was there before the surgery. So, I’m going to try something new. I’m going to aim to get back into a Yoga Practice. I haven’t done yoga since before my surgery but I’m going to give it a try and think it will do me a lot of good… mainly because I need some “flow” back in my life. (Ha!) But I am thankful for how far I have come. I’m knowledgeable that last year around this time, I was recording videos such as the one below, 👇🏻 and healing from a very extensive surgery. One year later, I’m tackling three jobs and have a plan to get a place of my own soon. Considering how sick I was for years before my surgery, I’d say that all of this is definite progress 💪🏻

I like to look back at these videos and see how far I've come. Today, I write this post one year and one month, post-op. This video was taken 3 WEEKS post-op. Yes, it's not the most attractive version of me. But as I sat here debating about whether or not I should post it, I brought myself back to my objective. Which was, and continues to be, to educate and tell my story from the most honest and truthful light possible. So yes, I am complaining about muscle stiffness, aches, sinus infections and acknowledging my perfectionism and workaholic tendencies, but I'm grateful for these awarenesses and how far I've come. I'm grateful that I never became addicted to my medication- something that is a very serious problem in America today. Especially with our youth. Someone recently opened up to me about his battle with this problem and a applaud him for overcoming it! ;) I'm also grateful for my journey. Yes, I'm still figuring out why I have flare ups and what causes what, but I'm not perfect and never will be. I'm happy and proud of the strong Warrior of a Woman I have become and happy to share it all with you :) #GirlPower

So… I’m glad I’m getting back to posting and hoping that someone out there has gotten something from this. If not, this has been very helpful to ME, so thank you for reading. Maybe it also helped with that writer’s block 🙏🏻

‘Til next time kittens 😽 Onward, forward, Olé! 💃🏼 and don’t forget to value your time this week 💗

“Time is free but it’s priceless. You can’t own it but you can lose it. You can’t keep it but you can spend it. Once you’ve lost it, you can never get it back.” ~ Harvey Mackay
❤️,

Your little fighter ✨

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P.S. I found these shots in my camera roll that I took while I wandered away aimlessly from my Mother in Home Goods the day I recorded the YouTube video in this post... clearly I was searching for some inspiration :P (If you can't tell by now, I ad<3re inspirational quotes... You should see my Pinterest Board - HAHA! ;)

Crying in my Blender Muffins


Today is one of those days… Or actually, it’s been one of those WEEKS! 😡, where my scoliosis isn’t really healing all that “gingerly”. Ten days from now will be my one year mark, since my spine has been fused. Crazy right?? Gosh, how time flies!

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Last Saturday I decided to try swimming. Yeah, bad idea. Well actually, apparently it isn’t a bad idea and will actually be really good for my muscles… eventually. (Says the guy I dated for a hot second and my physical therapist. But to be clear, I tried it because my physical therapist said to. Not because the guy said to. He was a former swimmer and frankly I thought he was just being biased. Also, I’m stubborn like that 💁🏼👊🏼) Anyways, after I swam, my muscles froze up faster than a wet towel in a snowstorm. (I don’t know why you would have a wet towel in a snowstorm, but I thought it sounded poetic.) My physical therapist said that this was probably because the muscles were over-worked in a different way than they had been used to. (I think my back just SUCKS.) He said I need to ease into it more. I guess swimming 10 lapse for my first time back at it, wasn’t such a bright idea… (Caroline, being overzealous? Weird!)

So now, over a week later, my muscles are still feeling really F-ing stiff and good ol’ James is away on vacay. So I want to cry. I mean, I’m happy my physical therapist took a vacation – he’s a hard worker and deserves some down time – but James! Couldn’t you have timed it a little better?! 😜 (Kidding James, you know I adore you. Do you, boo, do you!)

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Anyways, I’ve had a few revelations recently and have accepted the fact that I’m going to be living with this for the rest of my life. But I’m tired. I’m tired of a lot of things, actually, but I’m also tired of always being positive. I am human after all, so I’m going to tell you that, right now, my back is so fucking stiff that I want to scream. Or cry. Whichever sound comes out of my mouth first.

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There must be some pinched nerves going on because the top of where my spine is fused (right around my T2 area) feels pinched. It’s shooting up into my neck and through the cranial area of my lower skull, then going through my mouth and causing the roof of my mouth, lips and upper teeth and gum area to feel numb and tingly. (Weird right? As uncomfortable as this feels though, I always find it fascinating how connected our bodies are.)

So yeah… Needless to say, I’m sort of feeling sorry for myself this week.

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve been healing great and I’m so much better off than where I was, but weeks like this really PISS ME OFF! I always ask my physical therapist, “Am I going to be stiff forever?”, “Will I ever get full feeling back in the muscles in my back?”… the list goes on with the questions I ask. (James is a saint.) Now, I don’t care about having limited range of motion. To be completely honest, I actually can’t tell that my flexibility in my thoracic is limited, unless I’m sitting and someone wants me to twist and contort my body to look in some direction that is quite frankly impossible for any human being to do unless they turn their chairs. It’s the stiffness that bothers me.

It was getting better… but I guess I’ve back-tracked a bit. Sigh…

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Anyways, thanks for listening to me vent. And again, yes I know this is a part of my life forever, and that it takes years for some people to feel fully like themselves again. But I’m allowed to have my “cry baby” moment from time to time, so this is mine. Deal with it. Or don’t?

But if you don’t, you won’t get to read the post that I originally started writing for this entry which was positive and happy and consisted of an amazing food recipe. Wait, what?! Yeah, I thought so. Mention food and you have just about anyone’s attention. Except for Kate Moss… “Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels” to her. 😆😋 Love ya, Kate! Well not really because I don’t know you and I think you sounded a little… let’s just say “weird”, in Calvin Klein’s new campaign on Instagram, but you feel me.

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So here’s the real entry. Thanks for listening to me bitch y’all. I appreciate it. And enjoy 😇😘✌

Hi y’all! Happy Friiiiyayyyyy!! 🍟🍟 (Because it was Friday when I started this draft. So pretend it’s Friday, you’ll be happier while reading it 😋)

So, I keep getting asked for the recipe for the Coconut Blackberry Protein Muffins I posted on my Snapchat last week (👻: carolineheinle), which I made for my brother to snack on during his flight back to Denver… He of course only took one and then asked my Mom in the car, “What IS this??” My Mom’s reply? “They’re actually really good.” (She’s not really into “healthy versions” of food either, but she LOVES these!) And guess what?! He gobbled the whole thing up! So booyah, people, booyah!We have a new recruit on our hands 😛 (Is it weird that I’ve said “booyah” now, two posts in a row? #NerdAlert!)

IMG_8590                                                      I also made a few muffy's with chocolate chips... Because a little dark chocolate never hurt anyone ;)

If you know me well, then you know that I’m a skinny girl with a fat person at heart mentality. My eyes are always bigger than my stomach and I have a HUGE sweet tooth. BUT I’m also really healthy and have really great self control. So basically, I am balanced. But what I love to do now, is discover new healthy recipes and tweak them to my liking… Basically I peruse Pinterest and drool over a picture of a comfort food dish at night, and then tweak the recipe to make it healthier the next morning – HA! (I’ll replace sugar with Stevia or low-glycemic coconut sugar or honey, replace wheat noodles with zucchini or sweet potato noodles, and so on… But then, I’ll balance it with a “go big or go home” game plan. Come on people, there’s nothing like a REAL bowl of ice cream, a “the works” gourmet cheeseburger or an authentic bowl of Italian pasta every now and then. Let’s not kid ourselves.)

But for the days when we are trying to be healthy but don’t want to compromise our taste buds, these delicious, but good for you muffins are perrrrfect! There’s no flour or sugar and they’re chock full of protein and fiber… A perfect “breakfast on the go” or enticing way to start your day (for you non-breakfast eaters). I on the other hand never have a problem eating breakfast. It’s my favorite meal!! (Aside from dinner… and dessert… and snacks. Basically I love it all, who am I kidding?)

I get most of my protein “treats” recipes from Chocolate Covered Katie’s Blog. If you don’t follow her, you should! She’s known for her “healthy versions” of chocolate desserts, but she has other amazing recipes for breakfast, lunch and dinner as well – Check her out!

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I’ve always known that protein is important but I didn’t really understand how much your body benefits from it (and healthy carbs), until I went through the healing stages of my surgery. Your body will tell you what it needs or is lacking. (Remember what I was telling you in my last post about my recent ice cream and Watermelon cravings?) My body was literally growling, “Give me pancakes!!” “ROARRRR!” “Gimme a big ol’ beefy burger!” 🍔 “Rarrr!” (Can you hear me cat – “rarrr-ing”? 😹) So I listened, but I also wanted to be healthy about it… Hence my new passion/ hobby in making “healthy comfort food” 😊 Because honestly, life’s too short, people – Enjoy it! Plus, I’m an actor, not a 98-pound Super Model. (Shout out to all the models out there!! I’m not hating by any means – y’all are GAWGEOUS dawlings! #StayFlawless)

Okay, so for my version of Chocolate Covered Katie’s Blender Muffins, I added 2.5 scoops of Nutritional Frontiers Vanilla Protein Powder and a carton of Blackberries. (Be sure to add the blackberries after you’ve scooped the mixture into the muffin tins, though. If you mix it into the bowl, the berries tend to bleed too much, so I highly recommend waiting to add them so you still get a full bite of blackberry when you’re ready to eat 😉 ) I topped it with unsweetened coconut flakes and cinnamon for a final touch.

IMG_8588                                                  Follow me on Snapchat for more fun and recipes: carolineheinle

Voila! SO DELISH!

I’m SUPER into blender muffins right now. They’re so quick and easy and really are a great way to start your day.

Enjoyyyyyy! 😀

 

Til next post,

You’re Little Fighter and now Cookie Cutter ;P <3