Time. Time is probably the most valuable thing on this planet. Probably because no one has figured out how to control it. And we don’t have much of it.
Think about it in the grande scheme of things, we really don’t have a lot of time. I was watching a movie a few weeks ago and he did some crazy math that explained that a human’s life is really only 5 seconds long, when compared to a universe that has been around for billions of years. ???
People say things like, “Time is of the essence,” “Time flies when you’re having fun,” “Timing is everything,” and “You have the same amount of hours in your day as Beyoncé”- Oh hey girl heyyyy! (Side note, I’m not a huge Beyoncé fan. But I do like her music and anything that inspires other women to be strong. So if she does it for you, then let the “fierce” be with you ???? See what I did there? ?) Anyways, I bring this all up because I have been non-stop lately, and super stressed, because there is just not enough hours in the day for what my mind has on the itinerary. My body however, feels otherwise.
I started two new jobs last week (which is great), but also within the same week that I was booked for a hair modeling show. (Also great!) But starting all of those at the same time when you are still a commuter and have to add that travel time on top of it all?? Yeah, that’s what I thought… not so great anymore. But I took a deep breath and told myself that I could handle this… as I prepped my lesson plan for my new Film School students. Then the next day I said, “You got this girl” as I sat at my desk in Jersey City and scheduled my first Social Media Coordinating appointment. Then last Thursday, when my alarm started screaming at 4:00 a.m., 4:05 a.m., 4:10 a.m. and again at 4:15 a.m. ? (Okay, I was a little nervous that I wasn’t going to wake up. Don’t judge me), I said to myself, “But first coffee…”
I also managed to squeeze in not one, but two birthday celebrations for my bestie. Because one, I adore her, and two, I’ve never been to a hockey game and I wanted to pop my cherry ?… aaaaand also conquer a small fear I had. I once watched a show where they were in the stands of a hockey game and the puck came whizzing out and hit the person square in the nose. Or maybe it was the mouth? ? I don’t remember, but regardless I felt that actor’s pain!! I legit could not get that scene out of my head for weeks. I mean, think about it! Think about how heavy that puck is. And how fast that thing would be coming at you! How could anyone survive that?! Well don’t worry, I didn’t get hit with a hockey puck, guys ? But I did see one go flying into the second row! Thank God I wasn’t in that row or I would’ve freaked.
Here’s a Snapchat clip (?: carolineheinle) of my experience from that night:
Anyways, this week’s load wasn’t AS extensive… No, I’m lying. Because on top of the teaching and social media coordinating, I’m also working on some material of my own and decided to add that to the equation ? I don’t want to give anything away, but I’ve been doing a good job about moving my Acting career forward. Some of it is marketing and administrative stuff, some of it is creative stuff, but I’m slowly starting to see my career moving forward and I have a really good feeling that great things are just around the corner ? But the best part is, is that I’m enjoying all of it.
But here’s where my frustration comes in… I’ve finally gotten myself to a place where I’m honestly and truly enjoying the process and then??! I get another f*#!in sinus infection! Like seriously?? Really? Really, God?! Grrr!! ? I had one after I graduated Real Estate School.
(Oh yeah, before I started these new jobs, I was in Real Estate School. And it was hard. Like, really hard. Try going back to school and learning something you know nothing about. Most of the people in my class were either doing something in a related field or already flipping houses or doing something similar “under the books”… And were homeowners. And then there was me. Whatever, I still passed but it was super stressful and I ate a lot of f*%#in chocolate ???. Which I then stressed about after.) *Disclaimer: I’m not saying chocolate is what put the few extra pounds on me. Dark chocolate is healthy and a great source of magnesium and antioxidants when eaten in moderation. There were several other factors that I won’t bore you with, but I just wanted to be clear about that 😉
Sigh, why do we do that to ourselves, by the way? I mean, I don’t feel guilty about eating badly all the time, but when I’m in a vulnerable place and not feeling very good or the best about myself, I go there. I get really hard on myself! I said to my Mom a couple weeks after I graduated, “Ugh, school made me gain weight! And I’m trying so hard, but I just can’t seem to drop these couple extra pounds.” First she said she didn’t know what I was talking about and then she said, “Well, maybe your body needs that extra weight right now. You are doing a lot.”
Huh??? My first reaction was, “No Ma.” ? But inwardly it was, “Yes, you’re right Ma.” And, “Hmmm so interesting”. ??? Welp, fast forward to me finally shedding those extra pounds I picked up and sick in bed with a sinus infection. Go figure!! #MamaKnowsBest
***Now listen, I’m not telling you this to complain about my weight. I know I’m thin and fit and I’ve even gotten to a self-loving place and am happy with my body- flaws and all! ???❤️ I’m telling you this, because we all do it. We all can be really hard on ourselves and it usually comes during a time when we need to be kindest to ourselves. I’m working on stopping that. ✋? #WorkInProgress
The other thing I’m working on… time management. My Dad’s employees all have a running joke where they mock him saying, “I don’t have time for that.” My Mom always says I’m like my Father, and I know I get really stressed about time. I’m currently stressing about getting something to my manager before the year ends, but one, I’m having a bit of writer’s block and two, I needed help! So I hired someone for one of the things and I’m so happy I did ?
Sometimes it’s okay to ask for help. I’m excited to move out of my parent’s home and happy to have a goal in mind, but at the same time, I don’t know what I’m going to do without my Mom. She asked if she could help me with anything this week… she even offered to take over my Dating Ap accounts and schedule dates for me ? (Yeah… I started dating again. That’s a whole other can of worms which I’ll save for another post.) Anyways, I actually stopped and considered it ? And then we laughed about how she’d be calling me up, “Okay, so you have a date with ‘Jeff’ at 6:00pm. Don’t be late, he’s cute!” And then I’d later yell at her because he wasn’t cute at all. (We have different taste ?)
In terms of the back stuff… I’m a little frustrated right now. I notice that when I’m stressed my muscles are the stiffest. And when I’m doing a lot of computer work. I also notice that when I’m stressed, I clench my jaw in my sleep, which then causes neck, shoulder and trap stiffness, soreness and even some tingling, to get a bit out of hand. I’ve taken a little break from the back strengthening exercises to releave the stiffness because it’s been so bad. But I am making notes of all of these things and the first step is always awareness, so progress there.
I’ve had a lot of talks with my physical therapist about my condition and he says that yes, some of this stuff is related to my surgery, but some of my muscle tension was there before the surgery. So, I’m going to try something new. I’m going to aim to get back into a Yoga Practice. I haven’t done yoga since before my surgery but I’m going to give it a try and think it will do me a lot of good… mainly because I need some “flow” back in my life. (Ha!) But I am thankful for how far I have come. I’m knowledgeable that last year around this time, I was recording videos such as the one below, ?? and healing from a very extensive surgery. One year later, I’m tackling three jobs and have a plan to get a place of my own soon. Considering how sick I was for years before my surgery, I’d say that all of this is definite progress ??
I like to look back at these videos and see how far I've come. Today, I write this post one year and one month, post-op. This video was taken 3 WEEKS post-op. Yes, it's not the most attractive version of me. But as I sat here debating about whether or not I should post it, I brought myself back to my objective. Which was, and continues to be, to educate and tell my story from the most honest and truthful light possible. So yes, I am complaining about muscle stiffness, aches, sinus infections and acknowledging my perfectionism and workaholic tendencies, but I'm grateful for these awarenesses and how far I've come. I'm grateful that I never became addicted to my medication- something that is a very serious problem in America today. Especially with our youth. Someone recently opened up to me about his battle with this problem and a applaud him for overcoming it! ;) I'm also grateful for my journey. Yes, I'm still figuring out why I have flare ups and what causes what, but I'm not perfect and never will be. I'm happy and proud of the strong Warrior of a Woman I have become and happy to share it all with you :) #GirlPower
So… I’m glad I’m getting back to posting and hoping that someone out there has gotten something from this. If not, this has been very helpful to ME, so thank you for reading. Maybe it also helped with that writer’s block ??
‘Til next time kittens ? Onward, forward, Olé! ?? and don’t forget to value your time this week ?
“Time is free but it’s priceless. You can’t own it but you can lose it. You can’t keep it but you can spend it. Once you’ve lost it, you can never get it back.” ~ Harvey Mackay
Your little fighter ✨
P.S. I found these shots in my camera roll that I took while I wandered away aimlessly from my Mother in Home Goods the day I recorded the YouTube video in this post... clearly I was searching for some inspiration :P (If you can't tell by now, I ad<3re inspirational quotes... You should see my Pinterest Board - HAHA! ;)