I recorded this video an hour before my surgery, and as I look back at these videos I just can’t get over how suppressed my emotions were! My voice is so small and kind of even keeled and just sort “Wha Wha!” BORING! Granted I was trying to be quiet so none of the nurses are patients next to me thought I was a crazy girl talking to herself… but I also think it’s because of how nervous I was and I was trying to not freak the F—- OUT! Haha! But watching these videos has also made me so aware of how far I have come! This has been a great exercise for me through posting these videos to see exactly how depressed of a mess I was, and how far I have come with my energy levels, muscle aches and pains and MOOD (now that I am healing)!
I’m writing this post 3 months to the day (yup!) from my surgery and I feel GREAT! I still have little tugs on my muscles, neck and shoulder blades and occasional soreness, but overall, I feel great! I’m even starting to work out again! So if I could’ve seen into the future and seen myself now, I don’t think I would be feeling so scared that morning anymore. That’s why I’m posting these videos. So that others can see that it really isn’t as scary as you might think 😉
After this video, my Mom came to see me one last time before she took my phone and I waited for the nurse to come get me. The nurse was the CUTEST guy, P.S.! Like seriously, the cutest! But I was too nervous to even think about his looks… instead I left the oogling to my Mother (haha)! His name was Andrew and he finally came back for me to walk me into the surgery room. (Oh yeah, that’s how laid back they were about everything… I literally WALKED into the surgery room and laid down on the surgery table. But that wasn’t until an HOUR from my scheduled time slot. (Talk about impatient paranoia! I was secretly screaming inside and praying to God that I didn’t wake up paralyzed. No joke! Ironically, I said an entire Rosary Bead and Andrew finally came to get me after I finished saying it. WEIRD! Or you could say God was looking out for me 0;) ) The first time he brought me to the room, the other prep-nurses motioned to Andrew that they weren’t ready. He explained to me by comparing it to Thanksgiving. He said, “It’s like at Thanksgiving when everything else is ready but they still have to finish the cranberry sauce.” I chuckled but was thinking “great analogy, Andrew”! (Sarcasm.) Although I do have corny humor as well, so maybe I just didn’t find it that hysterical because I wanted to get this done and over with.
When I finally walked into the room, everyone was really nice and introduced themselves. I remember looking around and thinking how weird it was to be in an actual, real surgery room and not one on set. They had me lay down and started hooking me up to things. The other nurse, or whoever he was, told me that he was putting an oxygen mask on me to help me breathe, and I thought they would have me count backwards or something when they were ready for the anesthesia! Nope! The next thing I know, I’m waking up from surgery and trying to take a deep breath. “I can’t breathe!” I cried. I could half see my Mom standing next to me and starting to panic. The other guy, Jason, told us that it was because my rib cages were rearranged a little bit by the rods in my back so my lungs were getting used to their new position. It may have also been because I went to sleep being told I was being given oxygen to breathe and I woke up without the mask on. (Apparently with anesthesia, you wake up the same way you went to sleep. So if you were crying when you went to sleep, you would wake up crying, etc.) But it doesn’t matter what the reason was. They put the oxygen mask back on my for a few moments and then I was fine. Oh! And then I started flirting with Jason. When he told me it was time for him to go, I said, “Nooooo!!” He smiled and said “Maybe we’ll meet again outside of here.” I asked my Mom later if he was as cute as I thought or if I had “anesthesia goggles” on. She said, “He was very nice.” (Mom code for “you had goggles on”. I guess I was subconsciously beating myself up for not flirting with Andrew when I had the chance. Ha!)
The rest of my experience in the hospital wasn’t the easiest, (I’m going to be honest with you and say it was by no means a walk in the park) but I will say the pain meds definitely make it bearable. You’ll see and read all about the rest of my journey in my next post. In the mean time, try to relax and distract yourself before your surgery. If your religious, pray. If you’re spiritual, meditate. If you’re creative, write or draw. There are so many outlets and things you can do to help you calm your nerves. And just trust your instincts and trust your doctor. You wouldn’t have made the decision to have surgery if you didn’t think it was right! 😉 So deep breaths in and out and smile! You’ll be okay 🙂
Exes and oh’s!